1. 18 Where-Are-They-Now’s That Will Ruin Your Childhood, Crush Your Tweenhood, Murder Your Extended Adolescence and Sink You Into a Major Depression for Pretty Much the Rest of Your Life
2. 26 Ghostly Halloween Costumes Inspired by the Projected In Memoriam Roster for the 2015 Academy Awards
3. 84 Pranks That Are Guaranteed to Torment Your Coworkers and Fill Your Workday with Elation Like You’ve Never Before Experienced Between the Hours of 9am and 5pm, Unless You Get Caught and Land in HR, in Which Case You Can Refer to My Previously-posted, “15 Hippest Ways to Quit Your Job, You Ungrateful Millennial Brat”
The Hallmark Card:
To My Father on This Special Day:
I can’t tell you how much your undying love, guidance and support has not meant to me over the last 28 years. Every step of the way that you have not been there has brought me the greatest joy. Not growing up with you truly prepared me for a world full of men presumably very much like yourself, whose delicate psyches and various ego-related hang-ups it has never occurred to me to waste my time attempting to soothe with my womanly touch. A world without you is exactly the kind of world I remain perfectly happy to continue to inhabit.
The singing card: Continue reading